The Bard is Banned

2009-11-08T10:26:00.000-08:00

I must say Queen Farte's was most distressed to learn this news. She had become a good friend of the woman who banned the Bard. When they were together she would often escort her and educate her about Crapp etiquette.

"Your majesty" she would deferentially say "I am the SquidU forum moderator, and although I strive to do my best, I am often accused of favouritism and sycophancy".

Hmmm

Haven't you anything profound to say your majesty?

Hmmm

But your majesty, surely you have something to tell me?

Look Luv, I'm sucking a lemon drop, kindly know your place and wait until I've finished.

Well my missus is a queen. And although she gives audience, she really shouldn't be interrupted when she's having a good suck.

I suspect this is why KDW (the queen of SquidU) has taken offence and banned my ambassador. Plus she was always asking for tea, and everyone knows tea is forbidden in Simybio. There's no pleasing some people.

She caused considerable upset amongst the ablution assistants, by always demanding top quality bog rolls for her personal requirements. As a special request, the Simybion printers put her image on them, but still she wasn't happy because she felt that people were taking the piss. Even my queen doesn't have her pic on the toilet rolls, so we are truly astonished that this act could be regarded as offensive.

By my order, 250 rolls were produced in her honour. Now what am I supposed to do with them? Itsa Gasser, one of my most loyal ministers suggested we keep them for special occasions. I've decided to agree, but kept a few back in the tourist shop for people who would like to use them when they return home.

Anyway, as king, I understand that diplomatic relationships must be adhered to, as first encouraged by our great founder of the Islands Mad Mick the Mad. So in his spirit, I have created a new law - The Mad Mick Lavatorial Access Act 2009 - Only his image will be used on the bog paper, and anyone visiting must abide by any old Crapp paper available. This should solve the problem.

I, King Crappus XXIII have spoken.

You may leave now - go on, off you go! I shall call you again soon.

King Crappus Speaks....

2009-11-03T02:58:00.000-08:00

My loyal subjects and fans of
SI'MYBIO Your great ruler - me - the most majestic King of the South Pacific welcomes you.

One of my most loyal chums and senior island promoters, the Bard, suggested that I make a blog thing and discuss my bowel movements to the world. (By the way - meet the wife - Queen Farte's of Ten. I know how to pick 'em you know!)

"A blog thing?" I said. "Yes, your highness", he grovelled, "it will bring more visitors to your glorious islands, which will also bring in lots of dosh."

I sure liked the sound of that. Dish the Crapp and rake the Dosh. "Wonga Wonga Wonga" was my new island tourist slogan, and all of my minions are now ordered to proclaim it. That Bard knows which side his bread is buttered!

Anyway, I have a duty to perform. Must have been those baked beans I had for breakfast. You may leave now. Go on! Off you go! I shall summon you again soon. Don't forget to leave your compliments in the King's guestbook (and they better be good!).